Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: The thing that makes solamente polyamory work with me

Solo Poly. Guidelines for myself: The thing that makes solamente polyamory work with me

Previous today we had been chiming in for a forum thread about guidelines in polyamorous relationships. Being a solamente individual, individual autonomy and duty are very important to any or all components of my entire life. Therefore I’m averse to being in relationships where lovers make difficult guidelines to regulate or restrict one another — that is a big good reason why old-fashioned monogamy does not work with me personally.

But We have developed some pretty rules that are important myself.

american woman dating

I’M WRITING A NOVEL about non-standard ways to relationships.Want to simply help? Just simply just Take this study to generally share your views and experiences of relationships that aren’t on society’s standard relationship escalator.

Every one of my guidelines for myself stem from my four core values in relationships:

dating with multiple sclerosis

  1. Shared respect and consideration (the way we treat one another)
  2. Autonomy and self obligation (exactly how we each look after ourselves)
  3. Integrity ( be truthful and walk your talk)
  4. Joy (because otherwise, what’s the true point?)

These values give my relationship objectives: items that my collection of guidelines collectively seeks to obtain:

  • Preserving integrity: being the type or variety of individual i do want to be.
  • Handling danger: maintaining myself safe
  • Linking with other people in many ways which are significant, deep, and constructive
  • Supporting, considering and others that are respecting
  • Feeling pleased, delighted and satisfied
  • Private development: continuing to understand and develop
  • Boosting my resilience and strength
  • Keeping stability and handling anxiety, discomfort and chaos within my life

Before I have into my directory of guidelines, I would ike to explain why i’ve them.

I’ve discovered, through experience, me be the best person I can be that they help. They assist make sure that we keep residing a life that’s great for me personally, without coming at the cost of other people, which often assists me personally be here better for others once they require me personally. They assist me find out whenever an offered situation or relationship may or is almost certainly not a risk that is foolish.

Every one of these rules is dependant on my individual personal knowledge about relationships and life, specially as being a polyamorous and solo person. There’s a ton of faceplants, frustration, heartbreak, mistakes, miscommunication, and missed possibilities behind each one of these guidelines. The whole thing is extremely relevant and personal for me — your mileage, since constantly, can vary.

The answer to these guidelines is which they connect with me personally, never to my lovers. Eventually they’re regarding how we make choices regarding simple tips to pursue, conduct, or carry on a relationship.

We don’t need that my lovers or metamours reside as much as my criteria, or do things my means; but I really do would like them to comprehend in advance how I make choices about my relationships. That’s only reasonable.

These guidelines use whether or otherwise not I’m in a relationship that is significant. And so they assist me make certain — whenever i actually do begin to enter into relationships that include significant assets of feeling, time, logistical factors, etc. — why these connections stay good possibility of being mutually useful rather than unduly high-risk or discouraging.

Therefore: they are my guidelines just; your mileage may differ. We offer these as one example of this types of personal guidelines or requirements that could be ideal for anybody — but particularly for solamente individuals, and particularly for solamente poly individuals.

Aggie’s guidelines for Aggie:

  1. Respect and consideration. We don’t keep connections with individuals whom treat me personally inconsiderately or disrespectfully, or whom suggest a willingness that is clear tendency to take action. If individuals do that, I’ll inform them it is an issue. I’ll probably give them a couple of opportunities so long as they’re perhaps not egregiously rude. However, if a pattern that is baddeliberate or otherwise not) emerges within their behavior, I’ll distance myself. Likewise, we attempt to always respect and think about my lovers and metamours. If they let me know what they desire, we you will need to listen, negotiate and provide them the things I can ( or perhaps truthful if we can’t).

Leave a Reply

Close Menu